when im starving all i want is a pb+j sandwich. well i just found the BEST reverse thinspo EVER.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b230SZXNoRc

i'll never want a sandwich again :)

The greatest thing about smoking for me has to be that it's introduced me to the night sky.  Before my after-midnight trips to the balcony to sneak in my cigarette of the day, the sky had always just been something that was there, noteworthy only because it signalled a change in clothing, a time to go indoors, maybe a time to sleep. But now on the balcony with nothing to do but wait until the light on my cigarette burns too closely to my fingers for comfort, I can look up at it, really look at it, without feeling like there's something more productive I should be doing.

Tonight the sky is clear, and it's brilliant. I love seeing the different depths of the stars above me; even these tiny specs of white all have different shades, and the realization that these different shades imply a vast, vast distance sweeps over me. I feel small. For most people, this feeling is a precursor to dread and anxiety, to despair in meaninglessness. It comforts me. I spend so much of my day trying to be meaningful, to be significant or important in some way, that understanding myself as nothing more than a spec of a spec in a universe of incomprehensible size seems to lift a huge weight off my shoulders. At night, at least, while I'm standing on my balcony holding a Malboro Light, I am relieved of the very need for meaning. Not deprived of it, but free from it. And when I've stared at the sky for so long that my eyes start to water and the image I receive from them breaks up into millions of tiny pixels, I like to think that it is really the entirety of the universe I see.

And of course the blood rushing to my tilted head coupled with the nicotine whisking through my empty body makes me feel light and dizzy, so that when I come back indoors I can collapse into a pleasant, if blank, night's sleep.

1. I wonder what it'd be like to be homeless but rich and just travel everywhere. Not travel to bring back souvenirs or stories, but just to get away, and be somewhere new everyday.

2. Does smoking while starving increase your chances of getting lung cancer? I don't want cancer. If I'm going to die, I don't want it to cost too much money.

3. My boobs are gone.